Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
