She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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