Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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