I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
