glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
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May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
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you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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