Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
