Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
