I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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