Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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