Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
