Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
