Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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