We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
