please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
