remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
