Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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