How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
either way he was missing a nipple.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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