Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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