I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
