did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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