Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
