and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
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My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
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I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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