how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
