Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
