Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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