I'm jealous of your bromance
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
