thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
it was like eating out sand paper
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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