a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
