WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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