one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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