farters have to be the big spoon...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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