Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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