Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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