Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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