fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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