she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
