So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
