The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
don't judge my taste in strippers
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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