Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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