covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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