it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
