puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
