dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
