She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
