he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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