I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
