oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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