I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize