I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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