If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
