i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
