if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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