If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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