I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
