My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
