oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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