New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
