Duck Duck Cougar?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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