you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
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You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
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I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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