It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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