I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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