I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
