I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
