My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize