awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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