he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
