Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
