im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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