So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
so much tequila, so little girl.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
