I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
