i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
