my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
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At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
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I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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