I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
