Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
