I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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