Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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