Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
