Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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